The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Pistons Blast Nuggets, Camby still yet to receive stipend

I would first like to point out that I am a guest writer for the usual contributor to this blog so don't expect great things like you normally would.

Last night, I was very fortunate to be able to attend the Nuggets Pistons game at the Palace. Despite trecherous weather conditions, we were able to make it to the game in about 2 hours 45 minutes when normally it is just over an hour drive.

There were many highlights throughout the night, here are just a few-

1.) Me buying a Chauncey Billups jersey- this was a hard decision. I knew I was going to buy a jersey, but I couldn't decide who. Of course, I thought about 'Sheed, but then I figured if I bought the Sheed jersey, when I wore it I would have to say "Ball don't lie," and "Don't leave me," more than I already do, so that wasn't an option. Next I thought about Tayshaun, but I already own a tay tay t-shirt, so that was out. Then there is always Ben, but it seems like all the Piston bandwagon fans own this, so I opted out there. Rip you ask? No, I just need someone with a little more flash, even though I love Rip. Who is left? That's right, Mr. Big shot himself. Still seems like he doesn't get the credit he deserves around the league. Will it change with this years all star game ballot? I doubt it, but we'll see

2.) The ginger sitting in front of us- So midway through the first quarter during a tv timeout, the cheeeleaders/ event squad threw shirts into the crowd. Just so happens a couple of clowns sitting in front of us caught one. He leaned over the seat in front of him to catch it. We had a couple of guys from our suite that made an attempt at getting the shirt. Anyway, after catching it, the ginger turned around and pounded his chest and shouted "Me!!" at the couple of guys from our seats. This douche also had a sign that said "Catch 22." A clever sign in reference to Tayshaun. NOT! Moral of the story? In order to get on TV, your sign is going to have to be a whole helluva lot better than that. You also have the whole red hair thing going against you

3.) The suite we had the luxury of sitting in- Honestly, nothing beats the game experience from a suite. You still are mixed with other fans on either side of you in other suites, plus the normal seats above and below you. The biggest luxury of the suite though is the space. It is easy to move around, go to the bathroom, talk with everyone you went to the game with, something you just can't do in regular seats.

4.) Marcus Camby not getting his stipend- Camby was reportedly seen before the game, not dressed by new NBA dress code standards. When asked why not, he claimed he still had not received the stipend to pay for his dress attire. I guess your 7.5 million dollars a year isn't enough money to pay for a new suit or two Marcus? I'm sorry but it's idiots like this that kill professional sports image. While there are a lot of self-centered (understatement?) people like Camby out there, there are also great professionals that we never hear about. Unfortunately we are left to hear about athletes like Marcus. By the way, nice mug shot link.

5.) Most Importantly, the Pistons rebound win after the big loss @ Dallas- They flat out dominated the game from the get go. While both teams got off to a slow start, it was evident from the beginning the Pistons were the team with all the energy. While both teams struggled early, The Nuggets problem came from stingy Pistons D and poor shot selection, while the Pistons struggles came from the inability to finish. By the end of the 1st quarter through they had scored 28 points and led by 5. It seemed like they shot the ball poorly in the first quarter, yet still scored 28 points. This is where the difference lies with Flip and Larry. Last year for the Pistons to score more than 24-25 points in a quarter they would have to shoot some gaudy, not gado, number from the field. In this quarter, they shot just below 50%, which is by no means bad, and still scored 28. This is because they are getting more possesions from the style of play they have adopted. They are taking the first good shot they get, yet still being patient. They are looking to run constantly, which is also leading to more easy buckets/ more possesions.

After the 1st quarter the game was never in doubt as they took a 19 point lead into half time and ended up winning by 25. Rip led the team in scoring with 19, notably however, all starters were in double figures and Ben Wallace was 7-8 from the charity stripe. Mo Evans and McDyess rounding out the double digit scoring column with 16 and 11 respectively.

Darko finished with 1 point, going 1-4 from the line. He had 3 rejections though on defense, after I failed to take a bet saying Darko would get more than 2 blocks.

That's all for now, be back soon

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Rasheed Wallace, mentor

From the Detroit News online, the requisite Rookie adjustment story for a slow Pistons newsday.The most exciting thing is that Rasheed Wallace is taking them under his wing.

Wallace has adopted the rookies as a special project, keeping a close eye on their every move.

This is good news.

(Also, check out the captions on the pictures that go down the right side of the article. Hilarious. My favorite is Alex Acker's.)

Monday, November 21, 2005

We have some good news, and some bad news

-Any sort of article that begins "Look at the bright side" probably won't spend the rest of the article looking at the bright side.

-The Detroit News says about the same thing, but is guilty of burying the lead. Our favorite mouthpiece, and this blog's namesake, has a potent quotation at the bottom of the page.

"I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster. Darko's got some bodies back there (in Serbia-Montenegro). He can go psycho on guys."

This all stems from the Darko-Mutumbo run-in from Friday's game against the rockets. Darko was playing rough with Dikembe. (Which is, in itself, a good sign. Remember, back in the draft, Darko's mean streak was supposed to separate him from other Euros.) Dikembe took offense, got in Darko's face and did some now trademarked finger wagging. Dikembe threw in some jawing to boot. Dikembe got T'd up and Darko flashed a sly, knowing smile. He then went on to throw back a shot from Dikembe and one from T-Mac.

That, my friend, is the definition of ganster.

(Paranthetical note: I think one reason Darko remained so cool and collected through all of this because there's no way he had any idea what Dikembe was saying.)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Time to turn on Flip

-Ugh, that was ugly. Despite our biggest hopes, 82-0 was highly unlikely. In the big scheme of things, starting 8-1 with most of the games being out West is a very good start. Still...ugh.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Someone explains it, and we're pretty sure you all still don't get it

-USC Professor and "D" native Todd Boyd explains the psychology of Detroit Piston fans better than anyone ever could hope to.

Say what you will about Detroit. At this point, you can't say
anything worse than what's already been said. We stopped paying attention
a long time ago, anyway.

Everytime someone says something derogatory about Detroit, we take it in stride. But it's not just a brush off, we don't ignore it. It's noted mentally and we have another example of people who don't get it, will never get it, and we're pretty sure we don't want them to get it. It creates a reluctant pride. Not so much of pride in the city; we know Detroit has its problems. Boyd explains it much better than I could. It had always been inexplicable to me, but not for Boyd.

But it's true. Detroit has an "us against the world" mentality because the world is, more or less, against Detroit. That's why we love the Pistons, they think like we think. After the 2004 NBA Championship, people didn't talk about the Pistons winning, they talked about the Lakers losing. Coming into this season, everyone was talking about the Heat and Pacers. The Pistons just keep winning. We don't listen to the haters (John Saunders) anymore, but we certainly hear them.

Keep in mind, I'm not from Detroit, I'm from outside Detroit. It's an important difference which he acknowledges, but doesn't go into too much detail. (It's not the subject of the piece, I don't blame him.)

There is a huge difference between Detroit and its suburbs, making this one of
the most segregated cities in the country. The Pistons are where the city
and the 'burbs come together, though, where blue-collar whiteness links up with
the urban streets. That collaboration is a lethal combination -- just ask the
Indiana Pacers.

Boyd's right about that too, but I think there's more too it. Us suburb dwellers live on both sides of the Detroit issue. We make the same jokes about Detroit that everyone else does. We don't go into the city unless we have to. But when someone from outside Michigan badmouths Detroit, we defend it mercilessly, or at least say "you don't get it."
But we trully don't get it either. Or at least, we haven't earned any right to get it. We've adopted the same mentality, though. And for all our differences, for all the segregation, for all the whispers and fears of suburbans about Detroit there is one thing. The Pistons.
We're all Pistons fans when we're in the Palace though. We all listen to George Blaha's incessant homerism. We all take offense when the world forgets that the best basketball is the planet is played by our new bad boys. That's the unifying principle. It might be the only subject where the 'Burbs and the D are of the same mind.
I know that seems like thats a lot of influence and a lot of responsibility for a basketball team to have, but it's true.
Maybe you just don't get it.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Happy Anniversary

-Well, it's been a year (Tomorrow). John Saunders still blames you for the whole thing. Yes, you. has a nice little anniversary celebration. It includes an article that you can get, if you pay for it. Plus, they have the interviews they had on Outside the Lines a couple nights ago and put them on the web. This is actually some pretty interesting stuff, just because it's some of the minor combatants. Included are local newsman Bernie Smilovitz, Rick Mahorn, and the guy that Jermaine O'Neal would have killed if Jermaine hadn't slipped.
Scoop Jackson writes something nonsensical about Ron Artest, and there's a photo gallery which does little other than give us a picture of Ben Wallace's brother, David. He's terrifyingly huge.

-Pistons @ Houston on ESPN tonite. Wonder what Saunders and co. are going to say.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

7th Heaven

-In entertainment news, 7th Heaven was cancelled. I was unaware that they ever made new episodes of that show. But since I was in dire need of something vaguely clever to say, this is my choice for headline. Could I have come up with something more creative? Certainly. I don't care though. Also, Jessica Biel.

-'Sheed said the Piston first half was the worst half of basketball he's seen the Pistons play since he got there. While this may be a bit of hyperbole, it's not that far off. That first half was ugly. The third quarter wasn't great, but it did have some classic Chauncey moments. (I've never been Chauncey's biggest fan, or that is, I love pure point guards. Chauncey is not a pure point guard. But Chauncey is the ONLY guy on this team that will just take over games. Rip can be a quiet killer and you'll turn away and he'll somehow have 30 on you. 'Sheed can get hot and start ripping threes. (Don't ever leave him!) Tayshaun can go on his runs and school LBJ out of his shoes. Ben can dunk uncontested put backs. But Chauncey is the only one who can force the issue. When things aren't going right offensively, Chauncey can make things go right. That's the Chauncey difference, and that's why it's better that he's not a pure point guard.) Chauncey kept them close enough so they could make a crushing run in the 4th.
While this game wasn't pretty by any means, a win is a win. Especially since this was basically a home game in a road trip. (11 of the Pistons first 15 games are on the road) and the Stones are heading South for a couple games now.

-Daily Dime has more Flip love, plus a picture of Rip Hamilton getting hit in the face. My only question is, does Rip get hit in the face more because he wears the mask or does he wear the mask because he gets hit in the face more?

-Simmons talks about good ole LB. (I refuse to have hard feelings about him, we knew what we were getting into. My cousins from Philly warned me) Plus, he talks about his sympathy for the Knicks and their fans and gets a good amount of Zeke bashing in.

(Little Roscoe Report confession: when I moved to the Michigan, I came from New Jersey and thusly had a weird sports allegiance formation. I was grandfathered into the New York sports fandom. (Yankees, Knicks, Giants) I have lived in Michigan most of my life, though. A combination of my father's favorites (He didn't like the NBA as much, but was a diehard Giants, Yankees fan) plus a little bandwagoning (The Yankees won World Series, the Lions just plain sucked) led me to my current sports allegiances of Pistons, Yankees, and Giants. (I really don't care about hockey, but I used to say I was a Devils fan to piss off all my Red Wing friends.) I've had trouble justifying my favorites since then. This whole story is to explain I still got a little Knicks fan in me, especially the memories of Ewing and those bunny hops.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Flip Cup

We are certainly not used to being the cautious ones when it comes to Pistons Basketball, but it seems like we're the only ones who realize the season is only six games old. Now the USA Today is joing in on the Flip/Pistons loving.

They realize we don't like to be liked, right?

Go ahead and keep loving on Flip though, we can't blame you. He lends himself so well to headline puns.

Monday, November 14, 2005

They're on to Us

Message to's Power Rankings:
Cut it out.

Did you get that Memo?

The wonderfully entertaining J.E. Skeets thinks the incomparable and rejuvenated (33 and 17) Mehmet Okur looks remarkably like the most patriotic of Muppets.

Sam Eagle has been compared to thick eyebrowed ballers before, back in the early days of Here's Looking at You on Page 2. (I personally think that Doherty is a better choice.) And Memo's been compared to Sex and the City actor Chris Noth by those whom we respect greatly.

All this Memo talk is really just an excuse for us to share our favorite Memo-ry. In the chaos that was the local coverage of the Pistons post-championship locker room celebration, WXYZ Detroit gave us a candid interview with Memo. At the time, it was expected that he would be leaving after the season, but Memo's fate was still very up in the air. He had seen his minutes significantly reduced with the addition of Rasheed and LB. When asked if his decline in PT would influence his decision, Memo garbled that he didn't "care if he played no minutes or tournaments."
We're pretty sure that he meant to say "ton of minutes," but he didn't. Also, Memo wasn't holding a bottle of champagne, but a can of beer. We miss that guy.

Bonus Memo action: If you weren't aware, he's married to a former Miss Turkey.

Flip Saunders, Anti-LB

It's getting silly how much Flip is trying to endear himself to us Darko-philes and distance himself from Larry Brown now. I've been (more than) pleased by the amount of playing time the bench has seen so far this year. Even so, Flip wants to use his bench players more. Not only that, he feels bad that the bench guys haven't played more.
The toughest thing for me is these guys all practice hard and give me everything I ask of them, and you want to reward them and the way you reward them is by giving them an opportunity to play.
Now we've seen Flip's softer side, I think we officially have crushes on him, Notre Dame - Weis style.

Weekend Wrap-Up

-The win over the Blazers on friday was not particularly impressive to watch, but as I said throughout the West Coast Swing, a winning on the road isn't often pretty. 'Sheed was clutch again. (Don't ever leave him!) Chauncey did his normal carrying the team through rough stretches. Nothing really out of the ordinary from the Pistons.

-One notably entertaining development, Juan Dixon got some significant PT down the stretch. One could only hope to have Steve Blake see the floor for the Blazers too. Also, it was good to see that Zach Randolph had no idea what was going on going into the last shot.

-The Pistons are currently on pace to go 82-0. Just letting you know.

Friday, November 11, 2005

NBA "Preview" Pacific Division

Golden State Warriors - Good lord, Mike Dunleavy.

Los Angeles Clippers - Good lord, Mike Dunleavy.

Los Angeles Lakers - Just like Sean Connery on Celebrity Jeopardy, we choose the Rapist.

Phoenix Suns - We love how the MP3 plays. However, he has two strikes against him. One, he's Canadien. Two, we think he got beat up before.

Sacramento Kings - Their jumbotron guys get serious consideration. The Maloof brothers maybe, but we desperately want to be their friends. We go with the underdog Big White Stiff, Luke Schensher. Mostly because he has a posse.

Pistons Player Spotlight

Carlos Arroyo

The little Puerto Rican who played the "game of his life" in the Olympics and got ran out of Salt Lake by Jerry Sloan. He was an interesting addition to the Pistons last year.

He's one of those never-stops-moving points guards who makes some fairly amazing plays, but will also overreach and have some pretty bad turnovers. He was in LB's doghouse most of last year, right after leaving Sloan's doghouse.

He seems genuinely involved in the game when he's on the bench, often the first to great players coming to the bench for a stoppage in play. He's also seen time when the Pistons go with three guards. The 3-guarded Pistons made a brief debut last year in the 76ers 1st round series. (Him, Chauncey and Rip) This year the Pistons 3 guarded attack is their 4th most often used 5 man roster with him, Mo Evans and Rip. He's a nice change of pace guy off the bench. Especially considering for a time he seemed like the heir to the throne of John Stockton in Utah, when he ran circles around the Americans after a solid year at point for the Jazz. That all went to hell, but he's been salvaged in the D.

Lovefest Begins

-Suprising amount of Piston-love on today. Shanoff does his normal knee jerk reaction. The Daily Dime has a nice piece and still manages to not go overboard, remembering that they're only five games into the season. There's also an Insider article about Flip, who's become instantly lovable round here.

He's so cute.

-Not to be forgotten, the actual game was quite the doozie. Our favorite homeless looking, headphoned power forward hit a huge three, Rip hit a jumpshot off a screen (shock!) and Mr. Big Shot himself had a huge three that was part of his 27 points. The Pistons outscored the Suns 37-22 in the 4th.

-Pistons got another late game on their west coast swing tonite in Portland. It's aired on ESPN, so expect Saunders and company to say somethign disparaging about the D, and also expect me to mock them as I watch from the comfort of my own home. Take that, on-screen personalities!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Sabbatical Wrap-up (Or why I don't like Michael Wilbon)

-Sorry for the delay, folks, but I had a bout with migraine headaches. I'm rested, medicated and ready to get back to talking to myself about the Pistons.

-We'll skip right to the Sacramento game, which is important for a number of reasons. Firstly, winning in Arco is an accomplishment, even against this shell of the former Kings. Secondly, the only news from this game was about the Kings jumbotron shenanigans. I'm so used to people bashing Detroit I'm not sure this is even news. (Michael Wilbon half-condemned it, but Tony K called him out on his previous "I'd rather go to Beirut than Detroit" comment. He also thought it was a bad idea to get Detroit riled up because of our history of violence.) Just wait till the Super Bowl. Judging by how much the writers bitched about Jacksonville, I'm pretty sure they won't be pleased to be at the D.
This whole thing cements the Pistons as underdogs once again, even though they have won back to back Eastern Conference Championships and look better in these first 4 games than they did during the 2003-04 title run. (More Wilbon: On PTI, they were talking about the Heat's inability to beat the Pacers, which apparently is a concern for who is going to be the East's runner up. Tony K atleast threw out the obligatory D-Town mention.) (More Wilbon: He apparently has never seen the Godfather. This, plus the fact he has never seen Seinfeld, pretty much makes us mortal enemies.)

-We'll be back at full speed tomorrow, with a recap of the Pistons-Suns game and another NBA division "preview." Plus, a new feature this weekend, Pistons player spotlight.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Rip City in the BTB

Because of an excursion to East Lansing this weekend, I found myself watching the 4th quarter at Michigan State's Big Ten Burrito. (My burrito was good, but it was filling.) After Mark Blount (pronounced Blunt now, apparently) put the Celts up 1 with .8 seconds remaining, some of my group wanted to leave, which would have been a big mistake. Rip Hamilton came off a screen, recieved the inbounds from Tay Tay and hit his now patented mid range jumper. There's nothing more fun than high fiving a bunch of strangers who are also incapsulated in the wave of joy that only sports can bring to a normally completely unrelated group of people.
Mass euphoria is fun.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

NBA "Preview" Northwest Division

This is a continuation of our NBA "Preview" where we at the Roscoe Report tell you who'd we fight in the likely case another brawl starts at the Palace. It's always good to be prepared.

Denver Nuggets - Earl Boykins is probably our best chance to actually win one of these, but we have so many memories of him at Eastern Michigan, back when they used to call him Earl "The Squirrel" and he hit turnaround midcourt jumpers like he practiced them, that we couldn't possibly do any harm to that lovable scamp. We'd most likely circle Voshon Lenard until he got tired, then we'd just push him over.

Minnesota Timberwolves - There's so many white guys on this team, it's hard to choose. There's always BWS Nikoloz Tskitishvili, but he's been working out. Does Mark Madsen still have a mouth guard? We're going to assume so and that influences our decision. We choose the injury prone pretty boy, Wally World.

Portland Trailblazers - Goofy looking white guard? Yes sir! Steve Blake is the choice.

Seattle Supersonics - We think we could do a better job than Kobe Bryant in this fight. We're coming for you, Ray Allen.

Utah Jazz - We hate Carlos Boozer as much as everyone else.

Pistons 108, 76ers 88

Roscoe! Watch: 19 min. 6 points, 4 fouls, 2 blocks, 1 steal

I watched a good part of this game with my dad, which meant we spent a good part of the game gushing over our favorite non-Piston (by far) Allen Iverson. I still find it remarkable that my dad is so fond of someone who so disdains practice.

Anyways, the most important thing I took out of this was the bench. I hadn't seen much beyond the starting 5 (plus McDyess) in a long time. Maurice Evans and Carlos Arroyo both played 15+ minutes and were quite effective. (Arroyo had a 8 assists to 1 turnover.) With 'Sheed in foul trouble, the front court got some different faces in there as well. McDyess doesn't count as a bench player (especially since he had more minutes than 'Sheed), but Darko played in the second (2nd!) quarter and only looked slightly lost. He had some nice help defense at points, even picking up a steal.

It didn't really matter how the bench played as much as it mattered that Flip went to the bench early and often. There's no way this team doesn't make the playoffs, and it's important that Flip keep the starting five (plus McDyess) fresh. Last year even Big Ben was complaining that the regular season wore them out. And not to look too far ahead, but the Pistons can win on anyones court in the playoffs, so even if the Pacers knock them down to the 4 seed in the East by winning the Central, I wouldn't be upset, so long that the starting five (plus McDyess) are ready come playoff time.

[Sidenote: All this bench talk didn't allow me to speak too much of those 6, they all played really well, nothing unexpected. Everyone did their job.]

I watched the games on ESPN when they're shown nationally (on the WB when they're not) because I like to gauge if the national media even know (or acknowledge) that the Pistons are still the 2 time defending Eastern Conference Champions. (During the Heat lovefest that was known as the preseason, only TrueHoop gave the Pistons any respect.) Add Greg Anthony to the list with his knee-jerk reaction. I just have the suspicious feeling that they drew straws and the loser had to say something nice about our beloved 'Stones.

I also like to watch the ESPN telecast to remind myself of the day that John Saunders lost any semblance of journalistic integrity when he blamed the Pistons fans for the brawl and lauded Ron Artest for "self control." I don't hold as much of a grudge against the talking heads, especially Stephen A., who is paid to be the stereotypical ABM. They're all supposed to be inflammatory. John Saunders is supposed to be the ringleader, keeping everything in perspective. Instead he just piled on.

A great start to the season, and Flip getting 108 out of the boys in the first game is certainly commendable. Also, I'm not sure if you caught this earlier, but Darko played in the 2nd quarter.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

NBA "Preview"

Sure, the NBA has already technically started. That doesn't stop the Roscoe Report from bringing you our special NBA preview.

The Player (or Personnel) We'd Fight in the Case of a Brawl.

We took several factors into account, including but not limited to:
-The chances of us actually winning the fight
-The boost to the Pistons if said player were suspended/hurt
-If we just plain don't like them

That being said, we begin out West

Southwest Division:
Dallas Mavericks - So many choices here. We would go with Cuban, but it's unlikely he'd be at the Palace. Plus we find him oddly intriguing, so we wouldn't fight him anyway. Doug Christie is another obvious choice, but Mrs. Christie would get involved and in most circumstances, it is never a good idea to fight someone crazy. That leaves us with the all-too-common fallback on this list, the big white stiff. We select Dallas' BWS: Pavel Podkolzin.

Houston Rockets - As long as Jeff Van Gundy clings to someones leg, we'll be happy. That being said, we're probably going after T-Mac. We plain don't like him. Plus, we think his lazy eye might affect his peripheral vision, allowing us the element of suprise.

Memphis Grizzlies - Ugh. Shane Battier? Jake Tsakalidis? Who cares? We're reluctantly going with Eddie Jones because brawls are 4th quarter events and we're fairly certain he'd run away.

NO/OC Hornets - Arvydas Macijauskas might be the one, just because we loved Arvydas Sabonis so much. But in all reality, we'll sit this one out.

San Antonio Spurs - We love Timmy too much to go after him. Tony Parker has that whole French thing against him, but I just feel like there's more hateable Frenchmen out there. We refuse to acknowledge Robert Horry of being worthy of our fists of fury. Manu Ginobili gets the call because he's fairly to moderately pure evil. We have a second, more lucrative plan but it involves kidnapping and plane tickets to Argentina and it would take a lot more planning.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005


Welcome to the Roscoe Report.

Named for our favorite championship catalyst, the Roscoe Report will atleast attempt cover the Pistons or more likely my nonsensical comments about them. Other things will probably find their way in, just not on purpose. (Probably a lot of paranthetical phrases...and elipses.)

Either way, here's just a reminder of the ultimate goal this year.