The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

NBA "Preview"

Sure, the NBA has already technically started. That doesn't stop the Roscoe Report from bringing you our special NBA preview.

The Player (or Personnel) We'd Fight in the Case of a Brawl.

We took several factors into account, including but not limited to:
-The chances of us actually winning the fight
-The boost to the Pistons if said player were suspended/hurt
-If we just plain don't like them

That being said, we begin out West

Southwest Division:
Dallas Mavericks - So many choices here. We would go with Cuban, but it's unlikely he'd be at the Palace. Plus we find him oddly intriguing, so we wouldn't fight him anyway. Doug Christie is another obvious choice, but Mrs. Christie would get involved and in most circumstances, it is never a good idea to fight someone crazy. That leaves us with the all-too-common fallback on this list, the big white stiff. We select Dallas' BWS: Pavel Podkolzin.

Houston Rockets - As long as Jeff Van Gundy clings to someones leg, we'll be happy. That being said, we're probably going after T-Mac. We plain don't like him. Plus, we think his lazy eye might affect his peripheral vision, allowing us the element of suprise.

Memphis Grizzlies - Ugh. Shane Battier? Jake Tsakalidis? Who cares? We're reluctantly going with Eddie Jones because brawls are 4th quarter events and we're fairly certain he'd run away.

NO/OC Hornets - Arvydas Macijauskas might be the one, just because we loved Arvydas Sabonis so much. But in all reality, we'll sit this one out.

San Antonio Spurs - We love Timmy too much to go after him. Tony Parker has that whole French thing against him, but I just feel like there's more hateable Frenchmen out there. We refuse to acknowledge Robert Horry of being worthy of our fists of fury. Manu Ginobili gets the call because he's fairly to moderately pure evil. We have a second, more lucrative plan but it involves kidnapping and plane tickets to Argentina and it would take a lot more planning.


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