The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Greatest Thing About Soccer, Ever


In the history of sports fandom, apparel and accessories generally fall into two categories: imitation and idiocy.

Imitation apparel is mostly jerseys. (Authentic, Replica, T-shirt) But it also extends to most shirts, as they are styled to mirror the teams logo/jersey scheme. Imitation apparel is universally accepted. (There are some regulations for the wearing of jersey's emblazoned with the names of players who are not current, but they can be fairly fluid.)

Then there's idiocy. Idiocy is mostly the things beyond what a fan wears. (It's very hard to fault someone for their t-shirt.) Idiocy accessories include such:

Giant foam fingers: The fingers themselves aren't as bad as their spin-offs, giant foam animal hands. Grrrrr.

Thunderstix: The physical manifestation of pumped-in crowd noise. Loathesome.

Cheeseheads: Like giant foam fingers, the cheesehead novelty was at one point an original idea that has since spiralled out of control into poor spinoffs and overabundance.

Rubberband bracelets: Livestrong was nice, now everyone just looks silly.

Accessories are where poor fan fashion lives and breeds. But then something wonderful happened: the soccer scarf. How did this wonderful match come about. What does soccer have to do with keeping one's neck warm? Grown men will normally not be seen in colorful scarves. For good reason, they look ridiculous. Scarves are typically reserved for women, stylish men, and young wizards. Beer-swilling seat-fillers such as you or I? Our necks go cold. Or they did, until soccer fandom freed them. I am now free to attend Michigan soccer games wearing this without fear of ridicule from the truly enlightened fan. Because, I am now a soccer fan, I now have a scarf. I do not know the historical significance of the soccer scarf. I do not care. How the scarf came into existence is of no imporance. It exists, that is enough for me. They are, simply, awesome.

The scarf is useful, games get cold, your neck stays warm. The scarf is stylish, even the most garish scarf somehow looks sublimly cool. The scarf is versatile, it can even be used as a sign.

All hail the scarf, the king of sports accessories.


  • At 5/14/2009 8:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Where can we get the scarf you wear.


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