The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

What "Your Tiger" says about you?

The Tigers local promotional campaign includes Detroit celebrities asking you, the viewer, who's your Tiger? But what does your answer say about you, the Detroit Tigers fan.

If catcher Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez is your Tiger,

You're a loyal person who does your best for friends and teammates no matter the situation. You appreciate the little things in life and baseball. You are prone to yo-yo dieting. Your old nickname is no longer appropriate and confuses people who are new to you.

If your Tiger is first baseman Chris Shelton,

You probably really liked the Goonies.

If second baseman Placido Polanco is your Tiger,

You enjoy aliteration because its aurally pleasing. Your hat size is likely larger than 7 3/4. You like opera.

If your Tiger is Carlos Guillen, the shortstop,

You are reliable if unremarkable in the workplace. You may know a voalitile person with whom you are commonly confused and who often overshadows you, despite often being inferior.

If Brandon Inge, third baseman, is your Tiger,

You're quite good at multi-tasking. You may have changed majors more than twice in college.

If leftfielder Craig Monroe is your Tiger,

Baseball probably isn't your favorite sport.

If your Tiger is centerfielder Curtis Granderson,

You don't steal as much as people think you would. Or should. Your significant other has had two ex's who are strikingly similiar to you.

If rightfielder Magglio Ordonez is your Tiger,

People may have given up on you. You've survived a major illness. Racist loudmouths hate you.

If DH Dmitri Young is your Tiger,

You probably actually live in Detroit. You're that hard. A family member of yours has an anger control problem.

If SP Kenny Rogers is your Tiger,

You don't trust mass media. You enjoy fried chicken. You may have a gambling problem.

If your Tiger is SP Jeremy Bonderman,

You had great expectations that have been fufilled, but not necessarily in a fufilling way. You don't say much.

If your Tiger is Mike Maroth,

You're a southpaw.

If SP Nate Robertson is your Tiger,

You have astigmatism. Get that checked out. You also have cavities from all that gum.

If your Tiger is Justin Verlander,

You play fantasy baseball.

If your Tiger is reliever Joel Zumaya,

You look like you could use a beer.

If your Tiger is Fernando Rodney,

You're trying too hard.

If your Tiger is closer Todd Jones,

You likely drive a truck. You are the walrus. Koo Koo Ka-choo.

If your Tiger is Manager Jim Leyland,

Smoke if you got 'em.

If your Tiger is mascot "Paws,"

What are you, five?


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