The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Who has the rights to "Big Ben"?

The Worldwide Leader have used Big Ben as the nickname for both Ben Roethlisberger and Ben Wallace. Even Wikipedia isn't sure. This can't be.

According to the Roscoe! Report's biased nature, Ben Wallace is without a doubt the rightful holder of the Big Ben moniker. But that is only my opinion. One thing is sure, there needs to be a consensus. A nickname loses any usefulness once it is held by multiple persons. (That is why no one could ever bring themselves to call Andy Roddick, "A-Rod.") But it appears that both Ben Wallace and Ben Roethlisberger are currently being called Big Ben. There can only be one.

But who is the true Big Ben?

According to Google, the true (or atleast the most relevant) Big Ben is Ben Roethlisberger. Roethlisberger's website is on the first page of the web results and a picture shows up on page 2 of the image search. Ben Wallace doesn't appear until page 15 of the image search, after 3 different pictures of GI Joe. Even Ben Roethlisberger's website, while officially located at www.br-7.com, is called bigben7.com.

The internet does not, however, hold the final word on nickname rights. (I understand the irony of a blog which is trying to determine the rightful ownership of a nickname stating that the internet is not the location of the final word of nickname rights.) Ben Wallace has precedence. He is 8 years older, which means he, in all liklihood, has been called Big Ben 8 years longer than Ben Roethlisberger.

Big Ben is an apt nickname for both men. Roethlisberger is listed at 6'5" and 241 lbs. He is certainly not a small man. Ben Wallace is 6'9" and 240. Of course, these are official statistics, so they cannot be trusted. Ben Wallace can alternately look enormous and miniscule. Roethlisberger is a large quarterback, but he is consistently surrounded by 300 pound men. On the football field, he is relatively un-big.

Both have been using the nickname. But how have both have been using the nickname? When Wallace is introduced or does something requisitely exciting in the palace, the palace sound people ring the Ben Wallace "Gong." (Available for download at the Detroit Pistons website.) And while the name makes little sense. (There is no gong in Big Ben the tower; there is a bell. And the sound clip itself is from the AC/DC song "Hell's Bells." Why it is called the Big Ben "Gong" is beyond me.) Ben Roethlisberger appears to only use it for his official website. In fact, the latter part of his name has a better q-rating, with the $7 Roethlis-burger.

And this is what leads to the Roscoe! Report's conclusion. Ben Roethlisberger's nickname should have something to do with a burger. Big Ben is already taken. And despite the amount of Steeler fans who will disagree with me, (And believe me, I certainly fear the retribution of Steeler fans.) Big Ben belongs to one Ben Wallace. So when Roethlisberger is out looking for a helmet (idiot), maybe he could have it personalized with some sort of meat patty image. A burger helmet, if you will.

The Roscoe! Report presents to you, the true Big Ben. Ben Wallace.

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