The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Monday, July 31, 2006

We're going to need a bigger blog

Shark week may be the greatest event in television today. It appeals to one of the most basic notions of human existense: Sharks are terrifying. And awesome. They are alternately awesomely terrifying and terrifyingly awesome. I'm going to have sharks on the mind all week, so it became unavoidable that I would do a little piece on the sharks of the sports world.

San Jose Sharks - The winner of the original naming contest was the "Blades," but the name was deemed too violent. Naturally, "Sharks" was the non-violent alternative. You know, because Sharks doesn't convey violence at all. Any sort of fear the name might have inspired was negated by the team color, teal. All in all, I never understood the logic of naming a hockey team after aquatic animals. The water is frozen. It just seems incongruous.

Greg Norman - Poor Greg Norman. Although his logo is pretty cool. Nice hat too. I really don't want to say anything mean about the guy.

Jeff Samardzija - Nicknamed not for his athletic prowess or killer instinct, Samardzija is simply called "Shark" because he looks like a shark. Although one can assume he is as personable as those killers of the deep because he goes to Notre Dame, collegiate center of jackasses.

Ron Jaworski -One of my favorite ESPN personalities, Jaws mostly breaks down tape for NFL Matchup. No one does more with less. He only really talks about one play per week.

Drew Rosenhaus - Essentially nicknamed himself in his book A Shark Never Sleeps. Another chapter in his long story of douchebaggery. (And some sharks do their own sharky way.)

EA Tiburon - The wonderful people who make Madden. They are why when you create a franchise, the default name is Tiburon and the default logo is a shark. Easily the greatest sharks of the sports world.

Update: Miami Sharks - Per Matt's suggestion, the fictional team of Any Given Sunday. The decision making process for that team name can be summed by Lenny Leonard: "Uh-oh! Sharks! The assassins of the sea!... Oooh. You're not sharks. You're dolphins. The clowns of the sea."

Thats all for now. If I missed anything--and I'm sure I did--leave it in the comments or e-mail me. I'll leave you with these words of wisdom from Quint, one of the greatest characters in cinematic history:

"Here's to swimming with bowlegged women."


  • At 8/01/2006 9:06 AM, Blogger Matt said…

    The Miami Sharks from "Any Given Sunday". I'd also like to mention that this is easily Jamie Foxx's best performance, even better than "Ray". Great scenes from James Woods too.

    "I've got James Woods"
    -Peter Griffin

  • At 8/01/2006 2:51 PM, Blogger Don Gerard said…

    I miss the Shark Week promo in which the shark eats a seagull. That always made me want to tune in.

  • At 8/01/2006 2:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Here's a good clip for you of ND's first man who had the nickname "shark". His real tag was Reggie Brooks but the boys called him shark because of the way he swam (and as you'll see - sometimes simply rammed) his way through defenses.
    Enjoy the clip, blogger.

  • At 8/01/2006 3:07 PM, Blogger Tom said…

    that had to be against Michigan, didn't it? Either way a simply sick run, easily deserving of sharkiness.

    Shark week has some great promos, but I couldn't find any youtubes of the Shark with the seagull. But heres one of it leaping to devour a seal.

  • At 8/01/2006 6:33 PM, Blogger Mini Me said…

    Shark Week! Yayyyyy!

  • At 8/02/2006 3:00 PM, Blogger TJ said…

    So, is the guy from "Dirty Jobs" psyched he has to deal with sharks all week, or bummed he doesn't get to harvest bat guano and clean up trash in the L.A. sewer system?

  • At 8/02/2006 4:09 PM, Blogger E Sloc 17 said…

    very clever and interesting article Tom. I enjoyed it.


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