The Roscoe! Report

Ball don't lie.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Someone Hired Millen?

Sweet fancy Moses! What was the NFL thinking? Matt Millen is now a part of the NFL's Competition Committee.

Millen has a few rule changes he plans on introducing over the next couple of years:

All players will be eligible to receive passes. This will allow Millen to draft wide receivers for years to come. Mike Williams makes more sense as an offensive guard anyways.

Yardage from the 90s will count as tiebreakers in the current standings. There has to be some way to take advantage of Barry Sanders.

The Lions will play only on Federal Holidays. Presenting the Lions 2007 Schedule:
Monday, Sept. 3 - Labor Day - @ Packers, vs. Vikings, vs. Texans
Monday, Oct. 8 - Columbus Day - vs. Bears, @ Colts, @ Giants
Sunday, Nov. 11 - Veterans Day - vs. Eagles, @ Vikings, vs. 49ers
Thursday, Nov. 22 - Thanksgiving Day - vs. Packers, @ Redskins, @Titans, vs. Colts
Tuesday, Dec. 25 - Christmas Day - @ Bears, vs. Buccaneers, @ Patriots

Some will question the logic of playing a minimum of three professional football games in one day, but the Lions are 33-30-2 when playing on Federal Holidays. You can't argue with success.

All General Managers and Team Presidents cannot be fired. He's working on a bylaw censoring fan-made signs calling for said firing.

A league-wide ban on gay marriage. Possible ramifications with lesbian cheerleaders be damned, Millen wants to destroy Steve Mariucci and his partner, Tom Izzo.


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